Just Another Day On The Job
by CUtopia
Summary: It's Minerva McGonagall's first time working on a case for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and she immediately has to get creative to keep everything from going down the drain.


Written for the QLFC Season 5, Round 2 – Wigtown Wanderers vs Holyhead Harpies

 **Position:** Keeper

 **Prompt:** Use the location assigned to your position as the setting for your story: _Magical Menagerie_.

 **Word Count:** 2,604

 **Beta(s):** RawMateriel; Kage Kitsune; DinoDina; MagicalButts, Aelys_Althea

Entry for hillstar's _Humour Contest_

Entry for the _Mortal Kombat Characters Category Competition_

Sonya Blade: _**Write about Minerva McGonagall or Molly Weasley.**_

I hope you all like it, I'm looking forward to your opinions.

GO WANDERERS!

* * *

 **Just Another Day On The Job**

The Magical Menagerie, located in the north of the busy Wizarding shopping street Diagon Alley, was far from being a quiet shop. The numerous animals it sold were extremely noisy and caused chaos several times a week – it could get especially bad when the baby Nifflers managed to escape their cages, as they sometimes tried to rob Gringotts. Arrested baby Nifflers always meant loads of paperwork and visits to the Ministry of Magic for the shopkeeper, Dicky Manson, but to him, chasing half a dozen cats through Diagon Alley was just as bad.

Thanks to the nature of his job, Dicky was used to unusual and surprising occurrences; nothing could throw him off his game quickly as he always expected the unexpected – and he'd gotten pretty practiced in cleaning and mending spells, as he needed them regularly. Also, he was always a very welcome guest of the Leaky Cauldron, as stories about his day at the shop proved to be very amusing, bringing a lot of laughter into the pub.

But there were things not even Dicky Manson could possibly be ready to face, and one day in winter of 1957, one of the scenarios he never would have considered actually happened.

OoO

A secretive silence was hanging over Knockturn Alley as witches and wizards hurried over the filthy cobblestones, eyes downcast and everyone minding their own questionable business.

"There it is again! I'm telling you: there's someone up there!" A low, slightly annoyed voice carried up to the street from one of the dank cellars, causing a few passersby to pause briefly, most likely hoping to overhear something useful.

"If I 'ave to tell you to shut your rotten mouth one more time, I'll 'ave your guts for… oh bloody hell!"

"What?" the first voice asked, hushed. A few pedestrians glanced back, hearing the undeniable sound on an escalating scuffle.

"Who the hell is that?!" It was a roaring shout, filled with anger; the few people on the street immediately hurried to move onwards, knowing that whatever happened next, they didn't want to become a part of it. "Some ruddy look-out you are!"

Whatever indignant reply came was lost when, a second later, the door of the shop in question was thrown open. The sound of the heavy wood hitting the brick echoed between the buildings, and two men in dark cloaks stumbled outside. In the same moment, a young woman in emerald and black robes slipped out of a narrow path between two buildings; this wasn't how Minerva McGonagall had expected her day to progress when she'd been assigned this task.

She set off at a run, her long, black braid jumping on her back as she started down the almost empty alley. Minerva only threw a brief glance over her shoulder while she ran to see if the men had drawn their wands already, though she didn't expect them to think of that – she'd only seen them interact for a few minutes, but she'd realised pretty quickly that they weren't the brightest candles on the chandelier. In fact, while watching them pack the illegal dark magic goods, she'd found that they reminded her a lot of Laurel and Hardy; their almost slapstick-ish fights about how to do the simple job while their boss – their shared brain – wasn't around, had entertained her a lot. They hadn't even noticed her peeking into the storage cellar of the shop through one of the tiny windows before she'd had time to complete her list of all the items they were handling.

Overall, Laurel and Hardy had made her assignment a lot easier... well, until they'd spotted her, bringing her into her current situation.

Minerva quickly pulled her wand from where she'd secured it at her belt and blindly sent a few curses over her shoulder. A loud crashing sound reached her ears, and she hoped that that meant that she'd gotten rid of at least one half of the comic duo. She tried to think fast as she raced through the almost empty Knockturn Alley, heading towards the passage to Diagon Alley; no matter how fast she ran, she probably wouldn't manage to shake them off, and at this time of year, there weren't enough people in Diagon Alley for her to hide in the crowd.

The cold November air stung Minerva's lungs and she threw a glance over her shoulder, cursing inwardly as she realised that Laurel and Hardy were still behind her. She needed a plan to escape, or she would be in big trouble; she didn't have a doubt that her dim candles back there would have enough brain capacity to realise that she hadn't been standing by that window coincidentally.

And if their boss realised that the Ministry of Magic had been keeping tabs on him and his business, several months of hard investigation would be jeopardised...

There was no way she could let that happen.

It was only her first year on the job, and also the first time she was trusted to really work fully in an investigation of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, a young woman they'd been reluctant to hire in the first place.

Minerva couldn't afford to fuck up.

Behind her she could hear them yelling something, and she instinctively ducked. A second later, a few curses whizzed past her and hit a window, shattering the glass – their aim was seriously off. But Minerva couldn't simply rely on sheer luck, even a broken clock was right twice a day.

Diagon Alley's brighter light blinded her for a short moment as she flew out of Knockturn Alley, and she immediately dashed to the left, making her decision within a split second. The Leaky Cauldron was too far from her current position to reach it safely and Disapparate, and so she needed to improvise, using what she had in her favour. She still had one ace up her sleeve. She just needed to get the timing right.

Her heart was beating hard and fast against her ribcage as she gathered all the strength she had left in her body and started to sprint, trying to get some crucial distance between her and the men that she would need to make her plan succeed. She kept her gaze fixed on the shop in front of her, green wood decorating the facade and golden letters indicating the name of the place that would hopefully give her the advantage she needed: _Magical Menagerie_.

The shop bell chimed shrilly as she pushed the door open forcefully. She was immediately hit by a wave of sound: cats hissed, owls screeched in their cages and flapped their wings, rats squeaked and the shopkeeper started to scold her about this rude entry. However, she didn't have any time to listen to his tirade about sensitive animals; she had other things on her mind. Completely ignoring the rather small man, she hurried over to one corner of the shop that was filled with tabby cats, panting harshly, her muscles burning. The tabbies weren't in cages like most of the other animals, though constricted by spells so they couldn't run out of the shop, but that was good enough for her.

A quick glance over her shoulder assured her that she still had a moment, and so she gathered all her concentration. Only a second later, her body started to morph under the astounded gaze of the shopkeeper and within the blink of an eye, another tabby cat joined the playing clutter. None of the cats seemed particularly surprised when Minerva joined them just in time to appear like she belonged when the door was ripped open and Laurel and Hardy stumbled in. Their entry caused just as much noise as hers had, and she hissed at them along with the other cats, relishing in seeing their completely confused expression as their gazes wandered around the shop trying to spot her.

The shopkeeper still had a look of utter shock plastered on his round face and Minerva cursed to herself, hoping that he wouldn't rat her out; additionally, he was a rather small man and she found herself worried that her lovely friends would eat him for breakfast.

He was well known around the Ministry, and she was convinced that he didn't particularly like the employees who always gave him trouble. On the other hand, she hadn't been recognisable as someone from the Ministry… Maybe he hadn't ever actually noticed her during his frequent visits? Considering that he had been occupied with some truly ridiculous things, he probably hadn't; he was something like a celebrity, though, and she then remembered his name – Dicky Manson.

"Oi, you!" Laurel – or was it Hardy? – spat at the poor Dicky, who actually started to tremble at the sight of the two men built like wardrobes clutching their wands with dark expressions. "Where's the doll that ran in here? Thin like a stick figure, black hair, nosy little thing..."

The man looked like he was about to faint as he stumbled a few steps backwards, his back hitting the counter, and his voice was a squeak that was barely audible through the noise of the animals. "What? I… I don't know what you mean…"

"The girl! She ran into this shop! I swear, if you lie to us I will rip your bloody 'ead off!"

While Laurel was still staring Dicky down, cracking his knuckles intimidatingly, Hardy started moving around the shop, glancing into corners and spaces between cages. Minerva was just happy that, as a cat, she wasn't able to laugh; if she did, she probably would have revealed herself while the man was eyeing the toads for a rather long time – had he found a relative?

"I… I don't know who you're talking about," Dicky repeated bravely, and Minerva made a mental note to thank him later, as she was sure that not everyone would have the guts for this. She tried to move and act as natural as she could while keeping an eye on them; her heart was still racing in her chest and adrenaline pulsed through her veins as Hardy slowly came over to the tabby cat corner.

"You seriously expect me to believe you, you Flobberworm? We saw her go in here!" Laurel screamed, saliva hit poor Dicky's face while Laurel grabbed the smaller man by the collar and lifted him enough that the toe-caps of his shoes were scraping over the wooden floor. Dicky raised his hands defensively, shaking harder by the second.

"Please, there's no way a girl could hide in here!"

Hardy knelt down by the tabby cats, eyeing them suspiciously; Minerva forced herself to resist the urge to hold her breath while she started playing with one of the toys, trying to appear normal. "Maybe we should smash your pathetic little business to pieces to make sure that you're telling the truth? Because I smell a rat!"

Minerva closed her eyes for a brief moment when Hardy straightened and turned away from the cats, feeling incredibly relieved; she didn't want to imagine what would have happened if he'd realised that she was an animagus. But then, how was that oaf supposed to be able to tell – her markings weren't so obvious that he could have noticed them.

"I don't know, mate, let's just leave and tell the boss she's gone. He'll know what to do with the goods," he said to his partner, apparently unmotivated to move his fists and risk smashing a terrarium with poisonous frogs, pity really – even he seemed to be able to imagine that some of the animals could cause trouble. Laurel hesitated for a second, then it seemed to click in his small brain too and he let go of Dicky, who immediately stumbled into the counter again, pushing some cans of rat tonic off it in the process.

"Okay, we'll go back. Would have preferred to have that barmy kitten with us, though. She had a nice backside."

Minerva couldn't hold herself back; while they turned around, she rolled her eyes, then she left the group of tabby cats, seeing her chance to turn this situation into an unexpected triumph. Laurel and Hardy had only taken one step towards the door when she turned back into her human form in a heartbeat, and not even Dicky's surprised gasp could warn the two. She whipped her wand out and with two quick flicks she'd sent identical spells their way. The red flashes of light hit their targets right between the shoulder blades and stupefied them. The tragic double act fell like two freshly chopped trees, and Minerva winced as the larger of the two crashed into a stack of cages, effectively smashing them, and his partner beneath him.

Two baby Nifflers and a pretty huge cat jumped from the destroyed heap, climbing over the limp bodies. Dicky made a rather defeated noise when the Nifflers slipped through a gap in the doorframe and disappeared. Then his gaze fell upon Minerva and, anticipating that he probably wasn't happy about his shop being trashed, she slipped her hand into her robes and drew forth a polished golden badge, trying to sound as calm and businesslike as possible. "Department of Magical Law Enforcement, this is official Ministry business, sir! Thank you for your assistance."

Despite her efforts, her voice sounded slightly shaky from all the adrenaline that was still pumping through her body, mixing with the excitement she felt about having made her first arrest on her own.

"That… that was amazing," Dicky stuttered, staring at her with wide eyes – oh, he would have a great story to tell at the pub tonight – and Minerva told herself to stay cool, to act as if she did this every day…

"You really think so?" she asked, her cheeks glowing pink, and a moment later she clapped her hand over her mouth, hating her slightly uncontrolled reaction. She hadn't ever thought that she had it in her, that she could be so fierce without getting herself killed. Euphoria flooded her and she had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself down; she truly felt like jumping around and rejoicing for what she'd just done.

"As this was an official Ministry arrest, I hope your people are going to pay for the damage, and help me catch those two Nifflers that just escaped because of you." Dicky's voice was dry, and a small smirk played around the corners of his mouth, but Minerva knew that he was completely serious. Gulping hard, she fiddled with her wand nervously and tried to think of a way to get out of this situation – after all, she wasn't in the position to make any promises.

"Uhm… to repay you for your brave assistance, I'll of course help you to catch them once I've brought these two to the Ministry," Minerva replied politely and looked down at Laurel and Hardy, feeling a little bit lost.

"You've never done this before, have you?" Dicky looked at her with a sympathetic expression and Minerva bit her bottom lip before nodding. "I know that feeling all too well. The trick is to act like this is just another day on the job."

She gave him a small smile, inwardly squealing about what she'd achieved, and she told herself to memorise this piece of advice.

Maybe it would be useful one day.

THE END


End file.
